|Without an outhouse, you will definitely need this how-to guide.|
How-to Title: How to Shit in the Woods
Explanation: Whether you’re in the woods, the desert, the savanna, the tundra, on a mountain, or in a jungle, shitting without being able to rest your ass cheeks on some cool porcelain can be rather challenging for some people (or so it seems). It’s really quite easy, you just have to trust gravity. First, start by finding the best suitable spot to do your business. This may be in an outhouse, behind a rock, log, bush, or tree. Second, get in a good solid stance (feet centered in front of the hole if there is one) and just wider than the shoulders (when in a slippery, unlevel outhouse, stand with heels 5 to 10 inches uphill of the hole (5 for short people, 10 for tall people) and hold on to anything within reach – if that isn’t possible, see step three. Third, drop trow so they are securely snug around the ankles with your wallet or camera securely left back at the tent. Squat down so your ass is lower than your knees, the better the squat, the better things work out. Fourth, forearms up near the elbow resting on the knees, with knees over the toes, fire away and it’s a bullseye every time.